Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
现在这个时代，做一部喜剧是不容易，包袱、节奏、落差、领先观众的认知等对于创作者都是不小的考验，从这一点上，能让观众笑就很好了，而且特效、镜头、配乐确实都不错，几乎是沈腾的独角戏也真的是让人觉得久违了，表现上佳。只是这个剧本比较轻薄，完成度一般，当然从立意上我们能看到中国科幻独当一面的可能、世代传承的大无畏的中国精神，给予肯定也要鞭策，期待未来会更好吧！
不那么好笑，但是很好看。
事态已经很严重了。我国基础科学发展的缺乏已经严重渗透到电影产业了。原来喜剧电影最难的也是科学逻辑
孤独、救赎、信念…真的是永恒的内核和精髓啊，最后地球重焕生机，实在太美了
月球上的袋鼠雪橇很酷，其余的感觉都不太行，一是实在是跟《火星救援》太像了，二是煽情的部分毫无 build up，感觉很尴尬，我挠了下额头，旁边的小朋友惊呼道：不是吧？这你也哭？
“我有一个好消息和一个坏消息”，现在听到这句话就想笑哈哈哈，以前咋就没觉得有这么魔性。。。
上海堡垒:把门又关上了。
我承认我笑了几次，但每一次我都以为是一个引子，即将迎来一连串的大招，结果，都是点到为止，而且掉凳的笑点居多，感觉编剧功力不足。
时隔七年又在电影院看小黄人大电影了！感觉像是去环球影城又玩了一次小黄人哈哈哈哈哈！小黄人竟然还练成了狮吼功。以及，这个表情🥺可爱到过分了！
结尾拉胯，喜剧片就认真搞笑好了，不要搞刻意煽情，更不要搞啥主题升华，前面有多搞笑，后面就有尴尬。
但故事主线逻辑是不是拧巴、立得住？宇航员孤独月球求生怎么就激励末日地球居民了，一个娱乐节目对我一难民有毛用。二舅再能隐忍，能带给缺食少药的封控居民多少安慰？
谁发现了马蓝星和独孤月这两个名字也太配了吧，就像地球和月亮一样，永远会在一起的。
成功的爆米花电影，亲华元素溢于言表，没什么剧情可言，一切都显得太赶。但是都架不住minions超可爱🥺
耳朵自动识别中文片头曲的感觉好奇妙。在场所有笑声都是家长的，小孩子大概会觉得无聊吧。要不是看到Essex Live说Odeon禁止teens in suits入场观影，应该是完全提不起兴致的。看完之后倒也还好，小黄人一如既往的可爱，小小黄人超级可爱。装可怜永远是最好用的沟通技巧。
很套路，好像拿着之前几部的设定去创造出的这部电影。没什么新意，典型爆米花电影。冒险的常规套路，而且还是很港式动作冒险电影套路，可以叫小黄人之我是成龙。里面的中国元素也很典型，说把中国的龙变成反派，但是这部电影反派就是主角啊😂，而且最后主角也是用中国功夫打败的。所以也不知道为什么这部片为什么不在内地上映，可能因为这次主角还是个小孩就干坏事？总的来说，瑕不掩瑜。好笑是真的好笑，小黄人也很可爱，但是剧情一般。小黄人这次多了个技能就是卖萌～
优点是非常认真地在服务老百姓做娱乐产品，有突破，腾哥真的牛，不愧齐齐哈尔三杰之首。视效出色，郝瀚老师的刚子演得真不错，狠狠代入了。有浪漫到，鼠拉雪橇致敬外星人帅的。内在短板是喜剧和科幻两个类型打架，一般来说融合需要以其中一个为主，这个片在拼命端水，俩都很使劲儿效果会抵消一部分，我觉得再减少一些无用笑点给独孤月一些安静下来的时间让我们真的体验到他的孤独，肯定会更好。但麻花基因也没办法，很多观众就是要看二人转看小品。塞得满，会导致故事容量太大，节奏太赶，一半叙事用华彩剪辑真的让人吃不消，也根本没工夫深入人物。不要自行车的话，总的来说是挺可看的。
质疑者，直接逮走……这会不会是这剧最接近现实的一个点了？
一想到中国人进电影院看这种东西，就打心底觉得可怜又可惜
这不电影的视觉效果简直惊艳到我了，宇宙星空、特效好美，答应我一定要去电影院感受一把 。
我笑不出来……感觉不是笑点高不高的问题，就是真的很低智，全员莫名其妙情绪低落，转头又毫无理由亢奋无比，拯救沈腾的计划看起来没有半点靠谱，却又硬凹出严肃的大场面。全片并不适合讲一个庞大的议题，不要求有多缜密的逻辑但你不能把观众当傻子。我还以为全球直播给沈腾配音那里会有出彩的喜剧效果，看完真心觉得太差了。最后，答应我，喜剧片不要再乱煽情了好吗？我不想听说教不想看到无意义的升华，来影院看本片堪称我2022最大的错误之一。
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